Today Julian has been home for one year. At this time last year, we were running around trying to get everything ready for him. We were excited and nervous all at the same time. We had no idea what to expect or how things would go once we brought him home.

When we arrived at the airport to pick him up, it felt like we had to wait forever. I think I looked at my watch every minute. Finally after what seemed like hours, a man I had never met handed me my son and told him I was his mama. I remember feeling like everything was moving in slow motion. I had waited so long to be called someone’s mama and could not believe that this was really happening. Could I really be this beautiful baby’s mother? This must be a dream. I waited so many years for this moment and I felt more joy than I ever had before. As I put my arms around him and brought him close to me I was completely content. I had everything I needed.

And then... he started to scream. And I mean really scream. He tried desperately to get away from me and clung to the man he had traveled with. He had such fear in his face. Instantly, my happy moment turned to sadness. As I tried to console him I realized that this child did not know me the way I knew him. Over the previous years, I had prayed for him. Over the past months, I started at his pictures. We put his pictures all over our home. We decorated his room and bought him clothing and toys. We spent a great deal of time preparing for him. But he couldn’t possibly know what the future held for him. He knew only his life in Korea. It was a good life. Certainly not one he wanted to leave. He had a foster mother who loved and cared for him. She fed him. She changed him. She took him for walks and played with him. She loved him and he loved her. To me, he was my son. To him, I was just a stranger.

As Julian continued to cry, we signed all of the final paperwork and got in the car to take him home. Finally, after driving for a few minutes, he calmed down. He looked up at me and stared for a long time. No expression on his face at all. He just looked at me. Then he fell asleep.

This was my first experience with my son. I have never shared this whole story with anyone. In fact, tonight for the first time I watched the video of us picking Julian up and bringing him home. It took me one year to build up the courage to watch it. The happiest moment of my life was also the most painful. Happy because we finally had the child we had waited so long for. Painful because it was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of his life. I never could have expected that.

Today, everything is different. I know that Julian loves Jim and I tremendously. We are his whole world. He is happy and content each and every day. He has fun everywhere he goes and spends hours playing with his mommy and daddy. He loves spending time with the newest addition to our family, his baby sister who was born in July. Every time he looks at Maya, he smiles. And she always smiles back.

As I think back to the way things were then and the way things are now, I still find it hard to believe. So much can change in such a short amount of time. Although there were some difficult times, it was all worth it. I would do it all again to have everything I do now. I feel so blessed to have adopted Julian and given birth to Maya less than eight months later.

Today on this first Adoption Day, I am grateful for my wonderful husband and my two beautiful children. I am the luckiest woman in the world.